The Merry Go Round Of Fear

When we are feeling fear, we don't recognize ourselves
And then we get mad if someone else recognizes us...

When we fear we fight about the symptoms
Not what we fear
Therefore the fighting seems to never stop
Because our fear was never mentioned

Our vulnerabilities are still there
Our hurts are still present
They are old and weathered and even the slightest movement towards them
Will bring about a confrontation

Fear is the opposite of love
Fear is the fear of love

It looks like it is working towards love
However every time love gets close to fear
If the fear is not apparent
Another fight erupts which validates and deepens the fear
And puts space between you and another
And reminds you that fear has won again,
Hence being more upset and fearful the next time around

The thresholds become steeper
The words become uglier as time goes on
Since fear is not addressed
And anger at yourself sets in
However you can not be as angry at yourself
So it HAS to be the OTHER person

Is that fair?
No, that is fear!

Fear is the robber
Living in your soul
Scares you to pieces
With no glue to connect you to you
Let alone another

Fear is the frustration
That reminds you, you don't know everything
When you are in charge of everything else
Fear comes in the spots you don't expect

Like when you fall in love
And want to start new
As you get closer to another
It rolls in like a fog
Not noticeable at first
And then you start feeling happy and settled

As your happiness is something you feel you could get use to
Fear comes in and starts to play
It tells you the other person could not possibly love you
That you are not worth loving at all
And then it second guesses the person
Who came into your life
And loves you and is attracted to you
And fear tells you that it isn't so
It can't be
Not you
That you don't deserve love

If someone didn't know your mind or your history
You are free with them
And as they get to you, know you, you start to fight
That is fear fighting
Fearing fighting you

If you could both look at each other
And simply speak
With all honesty and inner pure intent
That I really love you
I just don't know how to
I really care about us
But I don't feel I deserve this
I want not to fight with you
But I don't know any other way

That fear has been around longer than you have
I want to believe that we can overcome it
I want to believe that I can overcome it
But I haven't been able to do it yet
And now I am so use to not living in love
I have learned how to be in love
However I haven't learned how to live in love

Can we be honest enough to know
It is not your tone of voice
Or your way of doing things that bothers me
It is me that bothers me
I am not yet free enough to be here
And I want to be

This is me fighting fear
That is the truth of it
Is it safe for me to be loved no matter what
Because if I can't love myself enough,
How I will have enough for you
For us

If we are honest
We would say
You are really not bothering me
We are here for a reason

To teach each other to overcome fear
If we can't see that
We will blame each other for the rest of our lives
If we can see that
We can help each other for the rest of our lives
Which do we want
It is a choice

Honesty tells us there are no mistakes
Fear tells us everything is a mistake when it comes to us
Fear challenges our emotions just because that is where we have been hurt
I want to take away the power of fear
And remind myself that it is not my friend
Fear is the ego part of me that has never helped me before
My soul is what I want to look at and to push fear to the side
I want to live in why I am fearful rather than simply responding to fears power

I have the strength and the will to do this
Fear only has the strength I give to it
I want to love you
And I know you love me
Let's start there
When we fight and we both can see it is fear and not us
Let us remind each other
That we are here because of love
And that fear is in our path
That we deserve love
And fear is now seen
That we can do this
As we dissolve fear